This is an important question, and if you are asking this question it shows that you care a lot about your friend. The problem of people’s bad actions causing others not to believe has been around for a long time. In fact it is mentioned in the Bible (see Genesis 34:30) and in the Book of Mormon (see Alma 39:11).

Ultimately a person cannot judge a church by its members because people make mistakes and are not perfect. The question isn’t really, “Are members of the church good people?” (some are, some aren’t). The question is, “Is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints what it claims to be?” (the only true and living church). Did Joseph Smith see Heavenly Father and Jesus or didn’t he? Is the Book of Mormon the word of God or isn’t it? If this is the true church, then even if your friend is living a good life now, his life could be better. The question is not, “Am I more righteous than the LDS kids I know?” but, “Could my life be improved if I were a part of God’s true church?” (the answer is yes!)

We understand that it’s hard for people to want to learn the answers to those questions if they see church members behaving poorly. That’s why Alma told Corianton “When they saw your conduct they would not believe my words” (Alma 39:11).  In the most recent General Conference Elder Quentin L. Cook said, “When members don’t live the teachings, it can be a stumbling block to those who do not belong to the Church.”

We’re afraid that this hasn’t fully answered the question, but unfortunately there is no simple answer. Bad examples of members can keep people from wanting to learn more about the truth. Three things we can do are: 1. Be good examples, 2. Encourage others to be good examples, 3. Invite our friends to look beyond what people are doing and find out if the doctrines (not the members) of the church are true.

We hope this helps a little and invite others to share their thoughts in the comments below.

As we hear questions from youth, they frequently ask about helping friends or family members who are in trouble. Here are some of those questions:

•    How can I help a friend who comes to activities but is disruptive or doesn’t participate?
•    How can I help my friend stop smoking?
•    How can I get a friend to come back to church?
•    If my friend is a cutter how can I help her stop?
•    How do I help a friend with an alcoholic dad?

Before we say anything else we want to point out that each situation is different. The most important thing you can do is inquire of the Lord and get personal revelation for your specific situation.

In general, here are are a couple of ideas.

First, strengthen your friend in God. An Old Testament account of friendship provides an insight of how to help friends in trouble. David (as in David and Goliath) was in serious trouble. Although he was living righteously, the king was trying to kill him. When David was hiding in the forest his friend Jonathan “Went to David into the wood, and strengthened his hand in God” (1 Samuel 16:23). Think about that phrase. He “strengthened his hand in God.”
Whatever problem your friends may have, it is likely that they will need to be strengthened spiritually. Encourage your friends to study the scriptures, to pray and to attend church. These might seem like obvious things, but they can make a big difference.
One young man share the following experience. “My friend was going through a really hard time. When she told me about it she said, ‘I just don’t know what to do!’ I said, ‘have you prayed about it?’ She said, ‘No I hadn’t thought about that.’ The next day she sent me a text and told me that after she prayed she had received the answer she needed.’

A second important key is to stay on the high ground. Particularly if the problem your friend is struggling with has to do with sin, is that you need to be careful that you stay on the high spiritual ground. If a young man says, “I’m trying to help my friend so I go with him to bad environments so that I can keep an eye on him,” he is asking for trouble. President Harold B. Lee said, “You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is” (Ensign, Oct. 2008).

There are also some extreme situations in which you might want to seek outside help. For example, if your friends are putting themselves in serious harm, and you can’t convince them to change, talk with your parents or another trusted adult. Don’t put the burden all on you.
Also, if you friend is making bad choices and starting to drag you down, you might need to stop hanging out with that friend. That could be a very difficult choice to make. It’s a choice that we have made in our lives. It changed our lives for the better and could change yours too.

President Boyd K. Packer said, “Do not run with friends that worry your parents” (Ensign, May 2009).  Proverbs 22:24-25 states, “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go. Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.” A principle from these verses seems to be, if your friends are having a negative influence on you, then do not be around them.

Overall, we know that you love your friends. The Lord loves them too and will give you revelation on how to help them. One thing we know for sure will help — pray for your friends. You might also want to invite them to pray with you. Perhaps you could fast (either by yourself or with them) as well.

We want to conclude this post by saying that we admire you for trying to help your friends. We know the Lord will help you help them!