This is an important question, and if you are asking this question it shows that you care a lot about your friend. The problem of people’s bad actions causing others not to believe has been around for a long time. In fact it is mentioned in the Bible (see Genesis 34:30) and in the Book of Mormon (see Alma 39:11).

Ultimately a person cannot judge a church by its members because people make mistakes and are not perfect. The question isn’t really, “Are members of the church good people?” (some are, some aren’t). The question is, “Is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints what it claims to be?” (the only true and living church). Did Joseph Smith see Heavenly Father and Jesus or didn’t he? Is the Book of Mormon the word of God or isn’t it? If this is the true church, then even if your friend is living a good life now, his life could be better. The question is not, “Am I more righteous than the LDS kids I know?” but, “Could my life be improved if I were a part of God’s true church?” (the answer is yes!)

We understand that it’s hard for people to want to learn the answers to those questions if they see church members behaving poorly. That’s why Alma told Corianton “When they saw your conduct they would not believe my words” (Alma 39:11).  In the most recent General Conference Elder Quentin L. Cook said, “When members don’t live the teachings, it can be a stumbling block to those who do not belong to the Church.”

We’re afraid that this hasn’t fully answered the question, but unfortunately there is no simple answer. Bad examples of members can keep people from wanting to learn more about the truth. Three things we can do are: 1. Be good examples, 2. Encourage others to be good examples, 3. Invite our friends to look beyond what people are doing and find out if the doctrines (not the members) of the church are true.

We hope this helps a little and invite others to share their thoughts in the comments below.

“As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are blessed to be led by living prophets—inspired men called to speak for the Lord, just as Moses, Isaiah, Peter, Paul, Nephi, Mormon, and other prophets of the scriptures. We sustain the President of the Church as our prophet, seer, and revelator—the only person on the earth who receives revelation to guide the entire Church. We also sustain the counselors in the First Presidency and the members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers, and revelators.

“Like the prophets of old, prophets today testify of Jesus Christ and teach His gospel. They make known God’s will and true character. They speak boldly and clearly, denouncing sin and warning of its consequences. At times, they may be inspired to prophesy of future events for our benefit.

“You can always trust the living prophets. Their teachings reflect the will of the Lord…” (“Prophets,” True to the Faith, (2004),129–30).

After being in the presence of prophets and hearing their words, our testimonies were confirmed once again that we are indeed blessed to have living prophets, seers, and revelators on earth once more.

Yawn. How do yawns make you feel? Look at that picture of a yawn. Yawn. Yawn. Yawn. Think about Yawns. Odds are, you might have yawned just now. That’s because seeing yawning is contagious. A researcher at NYU simply showed videos of yawns to 65 college students, and the yawning video caused the students to yawn 41.5% of the time (see “Contagious Yawning,” November 2003, http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/yawnc.html; accessed 29 January 2010). Most researchers agree that yawning is mentally contagious.

Similarly, if we enter a sacrament meeting (or mutual or seminary, etc) and think it will be boring, it probably will be. Should you go anyways? Yes! And while you’re at it, change you’re attitude…go with the desire to make it a meaningful experience.

We love this quote from President Boyd K. Packer: “It’s important that you know this. The inspiration you may draw from [your church meetings] depends only partly in the effort [the teachers] have expended in the preparation of their sermons. It depends much more considerably on what preparation you have made for their message” (Boyd K. Packer, That All May Be Edified [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 2006], 236).

Here’s another interesting thought:

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said:

Some say “I didn’t learn anything today” or “No one was friendly to me” or “I was offended” or “The Church is not filling my needs.” All those answers are self-centered, and all retard spiritual growth.

In contrast, a wise friend wrote:

“Years ago, I changed my attitude about going to church. No longer do I go to church for my sake, but to think of others. I make a point of saying hello to people who sit alone, to welcome visitors, . . . to volunteer for an assignment. . . .

“In short, I go to church each week with the intent of being active, not passive, and making a positive difference in people’s lives. Consequently, my attendance at Church meetings is so much more enjoyable and fulfilling.”

Should you go to church meetings? Yes! Try having a positive attitude and being excited to learn in the next church meeting you go to — see if you can help someone else have a great time. We promise it will make a. . . . yawn . . . noticeable difference.

The following question has been asked to numerous LDS youth across the nation.  We are interested in how you would respond to it.  Here is the question:

If you died and were judged today, which eternal kingdom do you think you would go to?

a)      Celestial

b)      Terrestrial

c)       Telestial

If you are like most youth we have polled, you probably said that you would go to the Terrestrial kingdom.   A matter of fact, about half of the respondents to this question say that they will go the Terrestrial kingdom.  Why is this so?  Anthony Sweat, co-author of WHY?, addresses this question in his recently released book I’m Not Perfect. Can I Still go to Heaven? Writing about the fact that about 50% LDS youth think they’ll go to the Terrestrial kingdom, Anthony says:

“These numbers are disheartening to me because the youth who took these surveys are actively engaged in the gospel: regularly attending church and mutual, serving in church callings, and enrolling in programs like seminary and Especially for Youth.  These teenagers are the kind of kids who consistently read their scriptures, pray, and try their best to keep the commandments and do what is right.  Yet half don’t think they are celestial material.  Why is this so?

The most common answer I hear from these youth goes something like this:  ‘Well, I have sins and I’m not perfect, so I don’t think I am good enough to go to the celestial kingdom. But I don’t think I’m so terrible that I will go the telestial kingdom either. So I think I will end up somewhere in the middle, in the terrestrial kingdom.’ This answer—and I used to be guilty of it myself— reveals some confusion about what is really required of those who will inherit the celestial kingdom. Most unsettling, this line of terrestrial thinking demonstrates a possible misunderstanding about the fundamental role of Jesus Christ’s atonement and His divine ability to save God’s children.  The purposes of this book are to help clarify some of these doctrinal misunderstandings, and to provide the hope we can all have for the celestial kingdom because of the atonement of Jesus Christ.”

The format of this book is an engaging hypothetical gospel classroom with fictional students.  Click here to read a sample chapter from the book.

We are interested in your thoughts as well.  Why do you think so many LDS youth, and we assume LDS adults as well, don’t think that they’ll make it to the celestial kingdom?  Leave a comment and let us know what your experience has been and what has helped you.

Anthony says:  “It is my most sincere desire that through the discussion in I’m Not Perfect…Can I Still go to Heaven? we can all better understand what is truly required to inherit the celestial kingdom, and find hope in the heart of the Gospel that will take us there: the atonement of Jesus Christ”

Click here to see the book on Deseret Book’s website.

We're not sure we'd go this far...

(comic by Chris Deaver)

Frequently teenagers want to know what prophets have said about kissing. Here are some quotes we’ve found — please feel free to add additional prophetic quotes you know of in the comments below.

“Do not participate in passionate kissing” (For the Strength of Youth, p. 27).

“Kissing has been prostituted and has degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when given out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness? What is miscalled the ‘soul kiss’ is an abomination … even if timely courtship justifies the kiss it should be a clean, decent, sexless one, like the kiss between mother and son, or father and daughter” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 281).

Although these next two quotes are not directly about kissing, they may provide some helpful guidance:

“Keep your expressions of feelings to those that are comfortable in the presence of your parents” (Elder Richard G. Scott, Ensign, Nov. 1994, 38).

“Firmly establish personal standards. Choose a time of deep spiritual reflection, when there is no pressure on you, and you can confirm your decisions by sacred impressions. Decide then what you will do and what you will not do to express feelings. The Spirit will guide you. Then do not vary from those decisions no matter how right it may seem when the temptation comes…The realization of your dreams depends upon your determination to never betray your standards” (Elder Richard  G. Scott, “Do What is Right,” Address given at BYU).

Sacrifice develops faith: Suppose someone asked you to hammer a nail into a piece of wood.  Sound easy, right?  But what if you were asked to give up your right hand and then try to hammer it.  Now that’s a little harder.  Usually, to hammer in a nail, it takes two hands—one to hold the nail and one to swing the hammer.  If you had to give up the use of your other hand,  how do you do it?  Well, the easiest option is to have someone or something else hold the nail—to rely on another set of hands.

Similarly, when we obey the law of sacrifice, and give things up for God, we usually end up relying and leaning more on God.  The result of depending more on God is increased faith in him.  Joseph Smith taught this truth in this powerful statement: “Let us here observe, that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation” (Lectures on Faith [1985], 69).  We sacrifice to develop increased faith in God.

Sacrifice allows us to show God we truly love Him: If you asked people “What is love?” many people might wax poetic or talk of romance and long walks on the beach.  But that is not what real love is.  Real love is defined in John 15:13: “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.”  In other words, love is sacrifice.  It is placing the comfort and well-being of another above our own.  When we understand that love is a verb—an action, and not just an emotion, we begin to understand how we can develop love for others, and for God:  by placing their well being and desires above our own.  Jesus showed the Father that He loved him perfectly when he submitted His will to the will of the Father.   Similarly, a husband shows his wife he loves her when he places her needs above his own—when he goes and watches a chick flick with her instead of an action flick.  It is easy to say “I love you,” both to our family, and to God.  But when we sacrifice love is actually lived and shown.  “The law of sacrifice provides an opportunity for us to prove to the Lord that we love Him more than any other thing” (M. Russell Ballard, “The Law of Sacrifice,” Ensign, Oct. 1998, 7).

Sacrifice teaches us our true priorities in life: Other than the Savior’s infinite atoning sacrifice, perhaps that greatest example of sacrifice recorded in the scriptures is when Abraham was commanded to offer up and kill his only begotten son Isaac as a sacrifice to the Lord (see Genesis 22:1-12).  Brother Truman G. Madsen—a former BYU professor—tells about a visit he made to Israel with President Hugh B. Brown in a valley known as Hebron, where tradition has it that the tomb of Father Abraham is located. Brother Madsen asked President Brown, “What are the blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob?” After a short moment of thought, President Brown answered, “Posterity.”

Brother Madsen writes: “I almost burst out, ‘Why, then, was Abraham commanded to go to Mount Moriah and offer his only hope of posterity?’

“It was clear that [President Brown], nearly ninety, had thought and prayed and wept over that question before. He finally said, ‘Abraham needed to learn something about Abraham’ ” (The Highest in Us [1978], 49).  What did Abraham learn from this heart wrenching experience?  Well, for one, that Abraham actually did love God more than anything else.   Notice what the Lord himself says to Abraham: “For now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only [son] from me” (Genesis 22:12).  God knew, and Abraham now knew, that God was #1 in his life. This priority was shown through what Abraham was willing to sacrifice.  If Abraham had said “no, “then it would have reflected that he loved Isaac more than God.  Similarly, when we sacrifice our money to pay fast offerings, or our time to give service, or our leisure time to attend the temple, we are showing God that we love him more than money, time, and entertainment.

Sacrifice is a medium for God to bless us: There is a great line in the classic hymn Praise to the Man (Hymn #27): “Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven.”  That is a true statement, and is one of the reasons God asks us to sacrifice.  He wants to bless us, and when we give things up for Him He is able to pour those blessings out on us more abundantly.  Mark 10:29-30 teaches this principle of sacrifice well.  A rich young man had just been asked by Jesus to sacrifice his riches and give to the poor, which he apparently refused to do.  Peter steps up and says, “Hey, we have sacrificed everything to follow you!” to which Jesus responds, “There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s,  But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.”  In other words, we will receive back 100 times whatever we give up.  That is not a sacrifice; that is an investment!  President Gordon B. Hinckley said this: “You are making a sacrifice, but it is not a sacrifice because you will get more than you give up, you will gain more than you give, and it will prove to be an investment with tremendous returns. It will prove to be a blessing instead of a sacrifice” (“Excerpts from Recent Addresses of President Gordon B. Hinckley,” Ensign, Sept. 1997, 72).  We testify this principle is true.

Elder M. Russell Ballard said once: “If I have a fear, it is that the principle of sacrifice may be slipping away from us. This principle is a law of God. We are obliged to understand it and practice it. If being a member of this Church becomes too easy, testimonies will become shallow, and the roots of testimony will not go down into the soil of faith as they did with our pioneer forefathers. May God grant each of us an understanding of the law of sacrifice and a conviction that it is necessary today. It is vitally important that we understand this law and live it.” (M. Russell Ballard, “The Law of Sacrifice,” Ensign, Oct. 1998, 13).  We hope this post has helped give us a better understanding of why we should live the divine law of sacrifice, and the desire to live it so that we may develop faith, show God we love Him, learn our true priorities in life, and be increasingly blessed.

At a Ward Conference in Redmond, Washington last week the Bishop centered his talk on the pamphlet, For the Strength of Youth.

He said that he had read through the pamphlet looking for specific things it says to DO and NOT to do. By his count there were 91 things we should DO and 38 things we should NOT do. He challenged everyone there to read the booklet every month.

After the Sacrament Meeting the ward provided a copy of For the Strength of Youth to each family. I got a copy and read through it that day. Although I’ve read the booklet many times, I was amazed as I highlighted specific phrases that told us things to DO or NOT do.

So many questions are answered by this powerful little booklet! Many of the questions that we are asked as seminary teachers and on this website have answers in For the Strength of Youth. For example, one email question that came in this week was, “Why should I do chores?”

Thanks for a great question. For the Strength of Youth says:

“Honor your parents by showing love and respect for them and by being obedient. Be willing to help in the home with chores that need to be done.”

(For more on why we should honor our parents see:
http://ldswhy.com/qa/category/family/)

We suggest that you read For the Strength of Youth this month…and probably every month would be good too!

Is this game o.k.? Read Moroni 7:12-17

This week we received this question:  Why can’t I play violent video games?

With all the new gaming systems that people probably received for Christmas and with the continued phenomenon of on-line gaming, we thought this might be a timely question to answer and do a post on.

Perhaps a personal story from Anthony’s life would help answer the question:

“After blessing our newborn daughter, we gathered after church at my parents’ home with family and friends.  We had the customary food for all to eat, and after everyone arrived and had made small talk, we thanked everyone for coming and got ready to bless the food.  As we all quieted down and the prayer was offered, in the background we could hear two people upstairs who were playing a video game that required them to shoot each other.  They apparently had turned it on and were playing it as we waited for people to arrive, and didn’t realize that we had all gotten quiet to say the prayer.  Literally, as my grandpa was thanking God in prayer for this new gift of life that had come to us in the form of our baby daughter, we heard from upstairs “Why won’ you die!  I’m shooting you!  Die! Die! Die!”  Although it was kind of comical, it was a stark contrast to compare someone expressing gratitude for life and another screaming for murderous death at the exact same moment.  I wonder which one is more in harmony with the gospel?  Hmmm…..”

For the Strength of Youth teaches that violent video games that glorify violence “contradict the Savior’s message of love for one another.”  The prophets further teach:  “Do not participate in entertainment that in any way presents immorality or violent behavior as acceptable…Depictions of violence often glamorize vicious behavior. They offend the Spirit and make you less able to respond to others in a sensitive, caring way” (p. 17).

Although there is debate in the scientific world as to the relationship between violent video games and violent behavior, we don’t need a research study to tell us how violent video games affect our ability to be in tune with the Holy Ghost and live the Savior’s message of kindness, love, and above all, charity.  If the video game promotes the opposite of the Savior’s message, it should be clear to any Latter-day Saint  which side of the line the game falls on (see Moroni 7:12-17).

It has always been interesting to note that the man in the Book of Mormon who was perhaps the greatest warrior of all, Captain Moroni, didn’t like to kill other people: “And Moroni was a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed” (Alma 48:11; emphasis added).  Based off that description, it is doubtful that Captain Moroni would have played violent video games because he was a man of a sound understanding of the gospel of Jesus Christ and he had a respect for the sanctity of life.  Of the righteous Nephite warriors the Book of Mormon says, “Now, they were sorry to take up arms against the Lamanites, because they did not delight in the shedding of blood” (Alma 48:23).  If we become more like the Nephites and Captain Moroni and not delight in shedding the blood of others—even if it is on the video screen—we will be more in harmony with the Savior’s message of love and more in tune with the Spirit of God.

This is a very important question. And there are several good answers. We’ve posted some here. And we especially like analogy that Elder Neil L. Andersen uses:

There is no doubt — prophets see more than we do. We are blessed when we follow them. How have you been blessed by following a prophet? Leave a comment and let us know!