As we hear questions from youth, they frequently ask about helping friends or family members who are in trouble. Here are some of those questions:
• How can I help a friend who comes to activities but is disruptive or doesn’t participate?
• How can I help my friend stop smoking?
• How can I get a friend to come back to church?
• If my friend is a cutter how can I help her stop?
• How do I help a friend with an alcoholic dad?
Before we say anything else we want to point out that each situation is different. The most important thing you can do is inquire of the Lord and get personal revelation for your specific situation.
In general, here are are a couple of ideas.
First, strengthen your friend in God. An Old Testament account of friendship provides an insight of how to help friends in trouble. David (as in David and Goliath) was in serious trouble. Although he was living righteously, the king was trying to kill him. When David was hiding in the forest his friend Jonathan “Went to David into the wood, and strengthened his hand in God” (1 Samuel 16:23). Think about that phrase. He “strengthened his hand in God.”
Whatever problem your friends may have, it is likely that they will need to be strengthened spiritually. Encourage your friends to study the scriptures, to pray and to attend church. These might seem like obvious things, but they can make a big difference.
One young man share the following experience. “My friend was going through a really hard time. When she told me about it she said, ‘I just don’t know what to do!’ I said, ‘have you prayed about it?’ She said, ‘No I hadn’t thought about that.’ The next day she sent me a text and told me that after she prayed she had received the answer she needed.’
A second important key is to stay on the high ground. Particularly if the problem your friend is struggling with has to do with sin, is that you need to be careful that you stay on the high spiritual ground. If a young man says, “I’m trying to help my friend so I go with him to bad environments so that I can keep an eye on him,” he is asking for trouble. President Harold B. Lee said, “You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is” (Ensign, Oct. 2008).
There are also some extreme situations in which you might want to seek outside help. For example, if your friends are putting themselves in serious harm, and you can’t convince them to change, talk with your parents or another trusted adult. Don’t put the burden all on you.
Also, if you friend is making bad choices and starting to drag you down, you might need to stop hanging out with that friend. That could be a very difficult choice to make. It’s a choice that we have made in our lives. It changed our lives for the better and could change yours too.
President Boyd K. Packer said, “Do not run with friends that worry your parents” (Ensign, May 2009). Proverbs 22:24-25 states, “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go. Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.” A principle from these verses seems to be, if your friends are having a negative influence on you, then do not be around them.
Overall, we know that you love your friends. The Lord loves them too and will give you revelation on how to help them. One thing we know for sure will help — pray for your friends. You might also want to invite them to pray with you. Perhaps you could fast (either by yourself or with them) as well.
We want to conclude this post by saying that we admire you for trying to help your friends. We know the Lord will help you help them!
